


Hold me tight, Don't let me breath

by orphan_account



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Calum, Boxer Michael, Crying Michael, Established Relationship, Grinding, Licking, Lots of tongue, M/M, Top Michael, ashton is kinda there, michael kind of relapses?, riding possibly, sad malum, side muke, this is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-22 23:43:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4855151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Michael can't sleep, it leads him to do things he never dose, but maybe now he should.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold me tight, Don't let me breath

**Author's Note:**

  * For [antisocialhood](https://archiveofourown.org/users/antisocialhood/gifts).



> Warning: possible anxiety/depression triggers:
> 
> talk of self hate and body image (kind of)
> 
> brief mention of a panic attack

These were the nights Michael hated himself, where nothing could make it better. Sleep was impossible and his thoughts were slowly eating away at the high walls he had put up in his wary mind. Nothing had been helpful tonight in his quest for sleep, Luke had been happy to let him take up the empty space in his warm sheets for the night, ready to speak their demon’s and secrets aloud in the usually small air space between them. But after a long string of shows the past few weeks, Luke’s words and mind state, were heavy with exhaustion, and their confessions didn't last longer than twenty minutes. So Michael returned to his own room after another hour of staring at the slightly less familiar ceiling, and listing to the boy with messy blond hair sprawled across his forehead, breathe slowly into the side of his pillow, drool escaping past his open lips. On any other night Michael would have found it endearing and cute, but tonight he envied the resting boy. 

On a normal night like this Michael would have gone straight to Calum, his bandmate, his best and longest friend, his boyfriend. But tonight, he couldn’t. The tan boy was pissed at him and had been for a majority of the day. Michael hadn't been sleeping much in general lately, causing him to be grumpy and moody and overall just an asshole.

Just about anyone who approached him was given a snappy remark or a nasty glare as they passed by. He was honestly surprised that Luke was willing to spend extra time with him that night because Calum sure wasn’t. Calum had told Michael to leave him alone until he was ready to be nice and talk, because the temporarily bleach blond haired boy hadn't been doing much of that either. Maybe thats why Luke was so willing, because he knew that Calum wouldn't let the older boy sleep in his bed tonight. The younger probably over heard the whole conversation.

—————————————————————————————————-

Michael had gone into Calum’s room when they gotten home. He laid in the raven haired boys bed with the covers pulled up to his chin, closing his eyes and inhaling the comforting sent of the boy he had known and loved for so long. 

He laid in just a pair of athletic shorts, stolen from Calum’s suitcase next the closet door. The three other members of his band had lingered in the kitchen below after their return. Michael not in the mood for the group discussion, had walked straight past them, up the stairs, ignoring the calls of his name. 

Calum entered his room an hour later, stopping in his tracks when he spotted the finally dozing boy curled up and tucked safely under his covers. He sighed softly, drinking in his lovers soft features, eyes closed, breathing slowed, lips parted slightly, and destroyed yet soft hair laying over his forehead. Calum almost went back on what he had promised the pale boy hours ago when he had snapped at him, yet again. 

“Fuck off, Calum!” he had only tried to pull the grumpy boy into his lap in the dressing room, but Michael was having none of it. Calum had then roughly pushed him back to the other side of the couch, standing abruptly and harshly stating that Michael wasn't allowed to come any where near him until he was ready to apologize and be nice to everyone, before storming from the room. 

Calum felt horrible for waking the sleeping boy, he really did. But he wasn't going to let him sleep here, not when he had been so rude. He was going to give Michael a taste of his own medicine tonight, telling him he couldn't sleep here with him, even if he apologized, he deserved this. 

Calum moved slowly to the edge of the bed, and sat next to his beautiful boyfriend. He ran his tattooed hand through Michael’s hair, scratching the scalp a bit. Then moving down the boys soft cheek, caressing just under the boys fluttering eyelashes. As Michaels green eyes became present, squinting at the light, Calum moved his hand to Michaels blanket covered shoulder, causing sea glass green eyes to meet caramel brown ones. Michael gave the sitting boy a soft, and hopeful, half hearted smile. When it wasn't returned after a few moments he dropped is vision to the carped floor, a slight frown now forming on his pink lips. 

“You need to go back to your own room Michael.” Calum dead planted, while moving his hands back into his own lap.

Michael’s face turned down further at the cold statement, line of vision turing back to the upright boy. 

“Why?” he practically wined, then burring his face deeper into the pillow and closing his eyes. 

Michael remembered exactly why, but he defiantly wasn't ready to own up to it yet. 

“You know exactly why. You've been nothing but an ass to everyone and I'm not taking it any more Mike. So you can leave. You have your own room tonight.” Calum showed no emotion, but his words were still somehow harsh. Michael hated when he did that. The younger of the two boys was so good at hiding his emotions. He always made Michael work extra hard to read him when he was angry. Michael stayed silent for a few moments, watching his lover, searching his eyes for any sign of contradiction, saying the opposite of his words, asking Michael to stay. But there was none tonight. Michael sighed, pulling his hands up to the top of the blanket. His green eyes watching as his fingers pulled at the sheet, keeping his gaze down. He figured now would probably be the best time to give into his resentment. 

“I’m Sorry.” It came out barley a whisper, he almost didn't hear himself. Michael felt so vulnerable under Calum’s harsh gaze, he didn't dare look up. When Calum didn't respond, to his quite words he slowly brought his eyes to meet brown ones, He opened his mouth slightly preparing to repeat himself with a little more volume this time, but Calum beat him to it, apparently hearing his first attempt. 

“You can be as sorry as you want,” He paused, harshness faltering, but only for a second, maybe debating if he should speck his next though aloud. 

“But your still not sleeping here.” He continues. 

Michael had been shocked. Cal always let him sleep with him, even if he was mad at him. Michael propped himself up, hands pressed to the mattress behind him, and legs now stretched out to the end of the bed, confusion etched across his face. 

“But, Cal,” Michael was begging him. “I’m sorry.”  
Calum just lowered his gaze like he felt bad, and just shook his head. 

“please.” it was just a whisper, filled with hurt and tiredness. Michael held his eyes on Calum, who's vision was now fixed on the lose stings of his black skinnies. 

“No, Michael.” he states again. No change in emotion, no change in position, no change in mind. 

Calum had never refused him, it was new for Michael, he didn't know how to react. So he did what he has done best lately. He though the blankets off his legs, and moved them to the floor, all in one quick rough movement, almost kicking his boyfriend in the process. The shirtless boy stood and walked toward the door without a word further. 

“Mikey.” Calum called softly. 

But the tempered boy just kept walking, not stopping to listen to the tan boy further. 

And that’s how Michael ran straight into Luke. 

Luke hadn't said a word when Michael collided with the taller boys shoulder. Michael had mumbled out an apology, but all the younger boy did was nod his head at the shorter boy to follow, then continued walking to his room, fully expecting Michael to continue after him. He did go with Luke though, without a second though. The paler boy needed comfort from someone, and he knew his best friend could give it to him. 

When they entered Luke’s room Michael moved straight to the bed and crawled under the covers, curling up just as he was in Calum’s room. 

Luke just stared at him for a moment before moving to get himself ready for bed. 

Michael watched the lanky boy move around his room. From the floor where his suit case lay, Michael guessed he hadn't has the time to unpack either, to the bathroom to change and brush his teeth. 

When Luke reentered the room he walked towards the door, Michael was scared he was going to leave for a moment, go hang out with Ashton instead. To leave him along in a room and a bed that didn't belong to him, leave him alone to his own thoughts he wishes didn't belong to him. 

His slight panic eased when the freshly changed boy stopped at the light switch and flicked it off. Michael felt stupid for thinking he was going to leave. 

While Michael’s eyes were adjusting to the darkness of the room, he listened to Luke trying to navigate his way to the bed without running into anything. He assumed it didn't go well when there was a soft thud and a “Fucking shit” escaped with Luke’s breath. 

After a few seconds he felt the bed sink and saw Luke’s dark figure climb under the sheets, a cool breeze hitting Michael’s chest from where the comforter was lifted to accommodate Luke’s body. 

“Are you okay?” Michael whispered. 

Luke didn't answer until he was completely settled and on his side, facing Michael, grey blue eyes finally reaching light green ones.

“Yeah, I’m good. Are you?” Luke returned just as quietly. There wasn't much need to talk any louder with the minimal space between them. 

“I guess.” It came out more of a question then Michael intended, so he let out a sigh of frustration. 

“I’m sorry, I’ve been a dick lately.” His green eyes falling to the mattress space between them with the confession. 

“Its okay.” Luke whispers back. 

Michael’s glad Luke seems to understand he didn't mean to be an ass, because Calum didn't seem too. 

“I…I just haven't been able to sleep much.” Michael explains. 

Luke lets out and sigh, like he's now upset with the boy next to him, or maybe just the situation.

“Mikey.” Luke states.

“I know, I know. But its the first time its happened in a while.” Michael tries to reassure.

When they were younger and still trying to get famous by posting covers on youtube, Michael used to have trouble sleeping sometimes and usually it was Luke who came over to help him sleep. 

That’s how this whole routine started. Luke would make his one of his brothers drive him to Michael’s in the middle of the night, and the green eyed boy would sneak down his stars to open the front door for the lanky, awkward blond. They would tip toe back up to Michael’s room and lay in his bed in the dark, and then they’d spill their most cherished secrets to each other. Sometimes they wouldn't even need to talk, sometimes Michael just needed human contact to help him sleep, and Luke was always willing to help him. Talking or not, they would just lay in bed until eventually, they'd both fall asleep. 

“Why didn't you say anything Mike?” Luke’s voice is laced with concern. He sounds like his mother. 

Michael’s not exactly sure why he didn't say anything. Maybe he was trying to deal with it on his own. Maybe he was tired of running to everyone else with his problems. He's nearly 20 fucking years old, why cant he just sleep like a normal person? Why dose he have to go to someone else? Jesus its like he's 4 years old again and he has to have his mom lay with him in bed till he's asleep, to keep the monsters away. 

Michael can’t come up with a valid reason so he just shrugs the shoulder thats not squished between his body and the mattress. 

“You could have come to me, you know that right?” The taller boy soothed.

“Hell Mikey, you could have gone to Calum. You know he's willing to help.” Luke’s tone held a little more stress with the last statement, obviously worried for his friend.

“Yeah, I know.” Michael sighs. 

There is a few Minutes of silence between them. Michael is still trying to diagnose himself with a reason for not sleeping, and a reason for not going to one of the boys.

“Michael?” Luke quietly questions. Blue eyes burning in to the shorter boy, who's line of vision if still on the white sheet of the mattress.

“Yeah?” Michael still doesn't look up.

“Whats wrong?” Luke sounds so sad asking. He knows the only reason Michael would be having trouble sleeping so suddenly is because there is something bothering him.

When Michael doesn’t reply right away Luke questions,

“Is it because of Cal?” 

Michael is then quick to lock eyes with the questioning boy, to defend his boyfriend, not because he's his boyfriend, but because Calum has nothing to do with his recent insomnia. He's not sure exactly sure whats wrong with him, but he knows for sure its not the kiwi boy. 

“No, its not. ” Michael is confident in his answer for the first time tonight. 

“Then what is it?” 

Michael hesitates, milling through his brain for a reason why. 

“I don’t know.” Michael says. 

Luke’s features turn down. He knows instantly that Michael is lying. Michael knows why, he’s just not willing to tell him. Thats the thing with Michael, he wont tell you things right away, you have to ease the answer you are looking for out of him. You cant push him, he's stubborn, you have to be carful other wise he’ll shut down completely and wont tell you anything. 

“Michael.” Luke sighs, his tone soft but still telling the tattooed boy he knows there’s more. 

This doesn't help as Luke thought it would though, because the other boy becomes defensive. 

“What Luke? I told you I don't know.” Its still a whisper, but he’s guarded now, Luke wont be getting much more information on the subject. 

“Sorry.” Michael then rallies quickly after.  
“I didn't mean it to be rude, I just… I really don't know.” he says again, green eyes falling back on the sheets. 

Luke is still suspicious, but he won't push further. He knows Michael needs time. 

“Its okay, Mike.” Luke yawn’s though his words.

“You can go to sleep you know.” Michael states, ending the current subject.

“But then you’ll have to fall asleep by yourself.” Luke states, lips staying parted to release another yawn, his eyes falling closed despite his words. 

Michael thinks the droopy, blue eyed boy is too selfless sometimes, and even if he did try and stay awake, it wouldn't last long.

“You look dead.” Michael tells him, with a small smile ghosting his lips. 

Luke only manages to hums in responce, a little smile reaching his lips as well. 

The conversation didn't continue any further, Luke was already racing towards unconsciousness. Michael looks over at the digital clock on the dresser, red numbers flashing 10:43pm. Michael sighed again, turning onto his back and staring a the ceiling, he was still trying to find the starting line for his race. 

—————————————————————————————————-

Michael returned to him own room a little before midnight, the gears in his mind still turning at full speed about noting of importance, he won’t be sleeping anytime soon. 

Michael dragged his bare feet as he walked across his carpeted room to the bag of electronics he took on tour. He picked up his laptop from where it had been resting on the black duffel from earlier usage. If he wasn't going to sleep he might as well lay in bed and watch a movie.

——————————————————————————————————

After Michael finished the two movies he didn't pay any attention to, he decided that maybe he should take a shower, try and relax his muscles and calm his brain. 

Usually he liked to take baths at this time of night. To wind down and relax, with bubbles and steaming hot water that circulated through the jets of the large ensuite tub. But tonight he was missing the most important part. The part that held him back from this luxury. Calum.

Michael didn't want to sit in the bath alone, it would make him sadder then he already was about not being with his beloved boyfriend. So tonight he would settle with a shower. 

The tired boy dragged himself from the bed to the bathroom, cold feet never actually leaving the ground with each step. The first thing Michael did when he entered the bathroom was strip his stolen shorts, leaving him just in his black boxers. He pulled open the shower door and turned the knob to hot. When Michael turned around again he was faced with his own reflection. His pale skin and short yet long, almost white fringe. His untoned chest and tummy, the small trail of natural blond hair that traveled from his belly button down into his boxers. His arms and shoulders with a little more muscle, but still just as pale. But that was at first glance, as Michael stepped closer to the clean glass that reflected his tired, tense body, Michael noticed things about himself that he wouldn't if he were to just pass by the mirror. His green eyes were blood shot and beginning to sink into their sockets, light purple bags forming under them. The burn scare on the side of his face was still slightly visible, achy and stubble was lightly littering his cheeks, and natural oils were beginning to making his face greasy and turn everything slightly pink from irritation. 

Sometimes Michael wished he was like Luke, all legs, broad shoulders, and soft skin, but other times he wished he was like Ashton and Calum, naturally tan, skinny with small hips, and all muscle. But there wasn't much he could do about it but wish, so he usually pushes the thought away.

Michael turned away form he mirror when steam from the shower began to dust over his reflection. He striped his boxers quickly and stepped into the scalding water. He didn't dare turn the water down though, he need the burning on his skin to distract and keep his mind from racing. He needed the hot water to relax his aching muscles. 

Michael didn't bother washing himself in the shower, he had done that earlier in the dressing rom after their show. Now he just stood under the scudding water with his eyes closes and, forehead pressed into the slick wall, hands mimicking the positing and supporting the rest of his body weight. Michael could feel the droplets of water falling from his fringing, stuck between the wall and his forehead. It dripped on to his cheeks and occasionally into his eyes. Michael stood with there, hot water running through his hair and down his back until it ran cold. When he finally decided he had been standing long enough he shut off the water and climbed from the shower to pull a towel around his waist. Michael ignored the boxers on the floor as he left the over heated room, only stopping to pick up Calum’s shorts, he was planning on putting them back on. It was all he had of his boyfriend to comfort him tonight. 

When Michael was back in his room and redressed in fresh boxers and Calum’s shorts, he crawled back into his bed. With the lights off, he returned to the same curled position he had settled in all night. This time though he had his right arm stretched out from his body, escaping the safe confines of the blankets, and resting on the mattress. This way the finally relaxed boy could scroll through his twitter feed till he was ready to let his eyes slip closed. 

Michael knew it wasn't the best idea to thumb through his phone before he was about to go to sleep. Ashton told him all the the time, “The bright lights and active reading is not good for your brain while its trying to slow down and sleep, AND its bad for your eyes to be staring at the light while you’re in the dark.” God, Michael can hear him now. 

Oh, and also that. Ashton had told him about that too, the rest of the boys too. The gossip. The gossip, the rumors, the drama that want around, all about them. Michael had seen it all before though. But of corse it was all stupid stuff then, in the day light, when he was too busy to actually pay attention to what they were saying. But tonight, tonight of corse, it was about the boy who just so happened to be scrolling through his feed at two in the god damn morning. Theses tweets weren't about the normal stuff though, not about the ‘whose dating who’ and the ‘muke is SO real’ tonight it was a hashtag. It stated something along the lines of ‘we love you Michael’ bullshit, most of the tags were defending him. Most. The tag seamed to have started with girls talking about his weight, it was mostly different variations of “he looks like he’s put on weight” and other pointless comments about his body. 

God he didn't want to think about it, he didn't want to believe it, he had gotten over this. He and Calum had worked on it for months, and Calum had finally gotten through to him. Calum made Michael believe he was beautiful, made him believe that he was perfect the way he was. He didn’t need to change unless he wanted to, it didn't have to be for those stupid shitty girls who say stupid shitty things because they want attention. If he was going to change something it was going to be for no one else but him. 

Michael couldn't do it tonight though, he couldn't stay strong on his own. His demons were so close the edge of his bed, crawling from the shadows and telling him they were right, telling him what he’s been trying to push away all night. And Michael just couldn't take it any longer, he couldn't take the comments from his phone, and the voices creeping back into his skull. So he did the only thing that seemed rational in his disrupt mind. 

Michael sat abruptly, flicking the switch of the lamp that rested on the nightstand next to his bed quickly. The lamp illuminated the room enough for Michael to feel as though he could push his demons away for just a little longer. The feeling of comfort that was supposed to come with the light, never came. As Michael looked back at his phone, twitter page still open and mocking him, the feeling of hurt and pain sparked through him. Starting in his heart and spreading through his body like water being pushed through different pipe lines. All at once it became anger, and with out thinking and with as much force as he could muster, he chucked his phone across the room, straight at the wall. He watched with wide eyes, realizing, last second what he had actually done. Time seemed to slow as it hit the wall. Michael wasn't sure about his phone but the wall now had a giant ass hole in it, it was actually quite surprising how deep it was. 

Michael slowly slid off the bed, and walked toward the damage. When Michael picked up his phone it was completely shattered, the scene no longer glowing with comments. The back plate was also beginning to separate from the front, a small green circuit board now becoming visible. 

“Fuck.” He whispered to himself. 

It was then that he taste the salt on his lips and felt the horse ness of his voice. He was crying. He felt the tears falling from his eyes, then the pain in his chest, and the stuffy air suffocating his pale and still slightly damp skin. He also noticed the quickness of his breath, if he didn't slow it down soon he would have a panic attack. He needed fresh air. Now. 

Michael made his way past the dark rooms of his sleeping friends, and down the stair case that led to living room, that held the door to there large fenced in backyard, and thats how Michael escaped the all to stuffy house and began to pace the pool deck. 

The crying boy was so tired, but his mind was racing again, this time accepting all the thoughts he had tried so hard to push away, push away for himself and for Calum. He didn't want to disappoint him again. Calum said he could never disappoint him, but tonight he felt like he had, he’d been as asshole all day, and now he’s going back on everything he and his boyfriend had worked on. Cal wouldn't let him sleep in his bed with him, he had never refused him before, why would he do that unless he was disappointed, or just done with the older boy. Maybe Calum was done with Michael. 

Michael continued to pace the backyard trying to calm his brain and body. His entire body stilled though when his vision landed on the small building just to the left the there porch. The small building where Calum, Ashton, and sometimes even Luke would go to workout. The entire building is basically a home gym, filled with every piece of gym and work out equipment you can think of. 

Michael moved closer to the building with each though that pushed through his head. Maybe, if people wanted to comment on his body enough to where they put it where he can see it, he should. Maybe he should work out. Maybe if he dose this, Calum won’t be disappointed in him, maybe Calum will want him again. 

That was the final thought that pushed Michael to open the door and step inside the single dark room. With one step forward the the building was illuminated automatically, a system put in for nights where if one were jet lagged, they could come down and not have to walk to the back of the room to find the light. Michael stood in the door for a moment longer, searching for a place to start. It was when his eyes landed on the suspended black punching bag in the middle of the room, that he knew. It would be simple, no complicated set up, no annoying fucking machines, just a bag he could take his frustration and anger out on. He had seen Calum and Ashton do this enough to know that he should wrap his knuckles, but he didn't give a shit tonight, he needed to feel pain tonight, one that wasn’t internal. 

—————————————————————————————————-

Ashton was woken from his sleep abruptly to a loud bang, eyes flashing open and body jerking in the sheets. A long list of possible situations instantly flash through Ashton’s mind as he closes his eyes. Instead of going back to sleep, and ignoring the situation like anyone else would do, he listens for any more possible noises saying he needs to get up and intervene. Get up and force a few idiots to go to sleep, or maybe just get ear buds and blast music as loud as he can, to block out the sounds of a Malum make up sex. The two boys always seem to pick the worst places to do that, and tonight it seems it could possible be on the wall separating Ashton’s room form Michael’s.  
But that doesn't seem the case tonight, as he listens there are no loud moans, no obscene dirty talk, and no banging, in fact there is no more noise at all, the house seemed quiet. Maybe Luke was sleep walking again, if that was the case Ashton should probably get up and coax the younger back to bed. 

The sound came from Michael’s room though, if Luke was sleep walking and was in Michael’s room, the usually colorful haired boy was probably awake now and he could deal with it, they all have before. Plus, his room, room his problem. So the oldest boy just relaxed again and began to let himself fall back to sleep. That’s when he hears something else. The faint sound from down stairs, the sound of the sliding glass door slamming closed. Thats when Ashton know’s its time to get up and go check on the others. 

Ashton slid from his bed, pulling a pair of sweat pants from the floor up his legs to hang loosely on his hips. His bare feet padded across the carpet of his room, as he made his way into the hallway the only source of life came from Michael’s room, a small amount of yellow light spilled through the open door and over the hallway carpet. The muscular boy made his way to stand in front of the open door, taking carful steps into the room, calling out Michaels name quietly, in hopes of not startling him. As Ashton eyes scanned over the empty bed, covers half on the floor, he moved his eyes for any other signs of boy. All he managed to find was a large hole in the wall and broken phone on the floor below. 

“Shit.” Ashton spoke to himself. 

That was going to cost a lot of money to fix. That was also not his biggest concern at the moment. He needed to find the boy who’s phone and bedroom wall was now destroyed. 

Ashton quickly left the tattered room, making his way next door, to the room that belonged to the missing boys boyfriend, Calum. Maybe Michael had gone in there to lay down with him. When the worried boy entered the room, he let his hand slide over the wall for a moment, searching for the light switch. As soon as he found it, he flicked it on and moved forward, only squinting slightly at the intensity it. His eyes landed on the bed first, where only a heavily sleeping Calum lay. Ashton quickly scanned the rest of the room, Michael wasn’t in here either. 

The unconscious boy didn't even move upon Ashton turning on the light, months of sleeping in different and constantly changing conditions, finally paying off. Ashton crossed the room to the widow, pulling down on the bind shades and peaking through to the back yard, if what he heard earlier was actually the sound of the back door closing, maybe Michael was out there. Ashton didn't see him though, all he saw was another light washing over the pavement of the patio, coming from the corner of the house where the gym was. 

Ashton crossed back to the bed where Calum lay, on his back, arms spread out like the wings of an airplane, blankets laying across toned abs. Ashton would take a picture, but now wasn't the time. He placed a hand on the dreaming boys’s shoulder, shaking him and calling out his name. When Calum finally seemed to hear Ashton’s efforts, he rolled on to his side, eyes closed tightly, trying to escape the annoying sound that was Ashton. 

“Calum, get up.” Ashton’s voice was urgent. 

When the only responce he got was a grumble of might have been a “go away.” Ashton then stated the only thing he knew would get the stubborn boy up.

“Somethings wrong with Mike.” 

It took a moment for the younger boy to process what was said, but when he did, he sat up quickly, staring at Ashton. Wide brown eyes became frantic, as Ashton explained how he had woken up and how he had ended up where he was now. By the time the shorter boy was done with his story Calum was up from his bed and digging through his suitcase for a pair of shorts, telling a quick ‘thanks bro’ to Ashton, before moving to go down the stairs to the back door.  
Calum slid the back door closed gently. He was regretting making his cranky boyfriend leave earlier, but most of all he was hating himself for not helping Michael, he knew the boy wouldn't be an jackass for no reason, there was obviously something wrong and Calum had ignored the entire situation. 

Calum walked across the cool pavement to the small gym, the only source of light came form the window of the structure, cutting through the pitch black of the California night. Calum didn’t enter the building right away, he moved to stand in front of the window, looking to see who triggered the light to come on, just in case it wasn't Michael. 

Ashton was right though, it was Michael who had slammed the sliding door closed, it was Michael in the gym. His boyfriend stood in the middle of the room, just in front of the punching bag Calum often used to let off steam. 

The pale boy seemed to be doing the same thing tonight. Micael stood with his feet squared off to his shoulders, bare torso twisting with each throw of his fists. He was punching the heavy bag quite hard, it occasionally caused the bag to swing back, after a particularly hard hit. When this happened the bag was to close to his body to throw a proper hit with his fist, so he was quickly lift this forearm across his body and throw his elbow in to the bag instead, causing his shoulder blades, and back muscles flexing beautifully. 

Calum loves this, watching his boyfriends fists collide with the suspended bag, loves watching his muscles flex and move under his pale skin with each hit, loves how Michael wears his shorts while he works. Tonight though, he can’t just sit and watch as he wishes he could, Michael is down here at three in the morning, doing something he wouldn't do at three in the afternoon, he needs to be in bed asleep, not down here boxing.

Its then that Calum decides to pry the door open and slide in to the room. The first thing he hears after opening the door is the smack of Michaels’ fist hitting the leather cover of the punching bag, the next thing he hears in a broken sob, a broken sob from Michael. 

Calum’s heart breaks with the single sound, not just because Michael is crying, but because he wasn't there for his boyfriend when he needed him, and now Michael’s here sobbing and throwing his fists into a black bag. 

Calum moves forward, talking carful steps toward the crying boy. 

“Mikey.” Calum almost whispers, his voice almost as broken as Michael is. 

Michael spins around at the call of his name, tear filled eyes landing on Calum. Neither of the two move for several moments, they just stand there looking at each other, waiting for someone to speak first.

“Baby.” Calum breaths out, stepping closer to blond boy. 

All at once Michael is rushing toward the tan boy. When he finally collides with the younger boys chest, he paces his mouth roughly on Calum’s, bruised hands moving to the back of the Calum’s neck, pulling his face closer to his own. 

The kiss is sloppy, full of tongue, and salty tears, Michael’s hands are in Calum’s hair now, tugging harshly, causing moans to flow from the raven haired boys throat, and into Michael’s own mouth. As the two kissed Michael backed them up slowly till Calum’s back hit the wall.

Michael couldn't help himself, his mind was to foggy with Calum, and shitty thoughts, he needed this, he needed his boyfriend. Michael moved down, away form Calum’s mouth, to his neck, he licked and sucked at the skin just under his jaw. Then he continued to leave opened mouth kisses down his neck to his collar bone. This made Calum’s breathing quicken slightly, Michael know how much he loved it. 

“Michael.” Calum breathed, hands moving up and down the boys back, clawing at his shoulders ever so often. 

Michael moved his hands down Calum’s back then too, stopping at his hips to hold him still. He began to grind his hips forward into the smaller boy, letting himself relish in the feeling of Calum’s cock hardening under his. This caused Calum to now moan out the others name. 

Michael could still feel anger and sadness pulsing through his vain’s, his now aroused heart beat, causing it to move twice as quickly, maybe making him do crazy things. He could feel his hands on Calum’s waist, griping them tightly, enough to leave bruises. After he was sure the brown eyed boy was completely hard in is shorts, Michael moved his hands down to cup the muscular boys ass, squeezing and needing his plump cheeks. This drew another moan from Calum. 

Michael had to much on his mind to let Calum take over tonight, like he usually dose about now. Tonight it was Michael who was in charge. 

After Michael was done marking Calum’s neck he pushed his tongue flat against his neck and licked a long stripe back up towards his ear. Michael nibbled at the the younger boys ear lobe before speaking, 

“Gunna fuck you.” He breathed hotly, against the shell of his ear, before licking up it gently.

Calum shuttered at his words and the feeling of his tongue, he was full ready to submit to his boyfriend. Michael moved his hands up slightly, from where they were on Calum’s ass, to the waist band of his short and boxers. He pushed his finger tips below the strip of elastic, not moving any further, the green eyed boy scratched lightly at the skin above the tan cheeks. He moved his mouth back to Calum’s then, pushing his tongue into his mouth roughly, not waiting for the raven haired boy to allow him access. Calum opened his mouth anyway, thriving off the feeling of Michael’s tongue against his. Calum moved his hands to the base of the pale boys neck and tugged at the damaged hair there, as the other boy pushed his hands further into the back of his shorts, caressing both cheeks before slipping a finger between them and pressing it to his hole, rubbing gently at the muscle. A whine caught in Calum’s throat at the sensation, pulling back form the heated kiss to whine out,

“please, Mike.” 

Michael opened his eyes to stare at Calum’s brown ones, tears still rimmed his green eyes, and red replaced most of the white. Calum’s heart ached for him, they had a lot of talking to do after this, but for now Calum was just going to let his boy put all of his emotions in to this, let him use him. 

Calum’s lips parted as Michael placed two fingers on his lips, taking the digits into his mouth and sucking, closing his eyes, he swirling his tongue around them. It was when the boy pushed the two fingers into his mouth further, that Calum felt the tattered knuckles agains his lips. Calum stopped his actions immediately, moving is hand to grab at the pale wrist, he opened his mouth and let the two fingers leave his mouth. Calum pulled Michael’s hand down between them to inspect the bruised and slightly bloody knuckles. 

“Michael. You’re supposed to wrap your hands.” Calum whispered, voice laced with hurt. Hurt for Michael 

Michael just stared back at Calum for a moment, eyes filled with something of confusion, but mostly pain. As Calum stared back, Michael’s eyes began to water again, his lip wobbling slightly. 

“Are you disappointed in me?” Michael’s voice cracked as he spoke, tears falling down his flushed cheeks again, one landing on Calum’s tattooed hand, that one that was holding Michael’s. 

“No, baby. No. I could never be disappointed in you.” Calum quickly reassured, trying to keep his voice strong for the broken boy. Seeing Michael this upset tore him in half, it made him want to cry, but he couldn’t, he needed to be strong for his boyfriend. 

Calum moved forward to seal his words with a kiss. They moved there lips in sink, having done this so many times before it was home for both boys, traveling all over the world this was the one thing they could always come back to, the one thing they could always rely on. Each other. Calum heated up the kiss, trying to coax Michael back to where they were before. When the blond boy got the message he slipped his tongue back into Calum’s mouth. This only lasted a few minutes though, before Calum remembered what had been happening previously and moved his head back so it was leaning against the wall. When Michael looked at him with confused wet eyes, the brown eyed boy just opened his mouth wide and stuck his tongue out cutely. This caused the corners of Michaels lips to turn up a bit, watching his boyfriend with his tongue hanging from him mouth like a puppy. 

Michael moved his fingers back to the boys mouth so they were resting on his tongue. Calum closed his lips around the digits again and repeated the process of slicking them up, preparing them so they could stretch him open, so he could take Michael’s cock. 

When Michael felt they were wet enough he moved his hand form the boys mouth, laving a small string of spit to dribble down he lips. He placed his hands on the waist band of Calum’s shorts and pushed them down to the floor, Michael watched as the boys cock hit his toned abs, leaving a small smear or precum behind. The now naked boy kicked the items away from his feet, and looked back at the older boy waiting for him to do the same. 

When Michael had mimicked the process, he stepped back towards the younger boy and placed his hands on the back of his thighs, signaling him to jump. When Calum was secured on Michael’s waist, and his legs wrapped around pale hips, Michael pushed his fingers back to the brown eyed boys hole. He watched the boys eyes flutter closed and lips part with a moan. Michael pushed his first finger inside, causing Calum to clench his teeth together and the rest of his moan to catch in his throat, causing it to become a whimper. 

Michael fucked his finger into Calum, adding another one as Calum began to beg, 

“Michael. Mikey. Please. Come on.” He rambled. 

So Michael did, he added another and quickened the pace, beginning to scissor his fingers with Calum’s head lulled forward to nuzzle into his neck, biting softly at the flesh to muffle his moans and whines. When Michael added a third finger Calum’s hips bucked forward looking for friction against his own leaking cock. Looking for release. Michael wasn't ready to give it to him yet though, so he just pressed the needy boy closer to the wall and used he other hand to hold his hips still. 

“Please, baby. Please, I’m ready, I'm ready.” Calum breathed out, eyes closed tightly, head resting against the wall, neck exposed, and nails digging into the skin of Michael’s arms. 

Michael didn't top often, he liked when Calum was over him, whispering all the things he was going to do to him in his ear, he liked when Calum fucked him slowly, and then roughly, liked how he felt inside him. He loved the feeling of there chests pressed tightly together, and there lips moving in sink, how Calum would always win when there tongue’s battled, even if he let Michael believe he was going to win, he never let that last long before he was taking over and showing the older boy who was actually the alpha. 

That’s why tonight when Calum sank down on to Michael’s warm leaking cock, Michael’s moan was almost a scream. Michael had his face pressed into Calum’s neck biting into his shoulder, he let more tears escape his eyes, but this time they were form the intense pleasure. The older boy had to hold Calum’s hips still for several minutes while he adjusted to the tight, warm velvety feeling of the younger boys walls clenching around him. Michael let out a growl, as he bottomed out, finally releasing the boys hips and pushing there chests flat against each others. Michael pressing Calum tightly against the wall, with one hand next to the boys head, and one resting on his hip, supporting them, so he could pull his his own hips back and then thrust back up into the already wrecked boy. 

Michael set a pace quickly, fucking the younger boy with everything he had, Michael let all his emotions form tonight take over him as he fucked into his boyfriend, letting out sobs as with every other thrust, sometimes letting a moan overtake a sob. Like when Calum ran his hands up us chest to tweak and roll his nipples between his fingers. 

Calum just tried his best to reassure him, whispering ‘I love you’s’ while raking his fingers trough bleach blond hair. Moaning several ‘so fuckin’ good’ and ‘so proud of you, Mikey’ as the crying boy fucked him into the gym wall. When Michael needed to readjust Calum on his hips he hiked him up quickly while only the tip of his dick was him, and when he came back down, Michael thrusted up roughly, hitting the tan boys prostate dead on. This caused Calum to cry out. Michael just continued to pound into the spot roughly, Calum felt the knot in the bottom of his stomach begin to unravel. After a few more quick thrusts, he was cumming hard on to his and Michael’s stomachs, painting them with white stripes. Thats what brought Michael over the edge, thighs shaking and the feeling of his boyfriend on his skin, he came in Calum and hot liquid filling the younger boy completely. 

The two boys stilled, coming down form there highs. Michael pulled himself from Calum, letting the boy slide from his hips to stand on his own. They stayed like that a few minutes longer, Calum leaning against the wall, Michael leaning into him, pale arms hugging Calum’s middle and face pressed into his neck. When the black haired boy moved to get both the boys there shorts and boxers from the floor, all Michael could manage in protest was a small whine, before letting his boyfriend do what he intended. When Calum was back and standing next to green eyed boy, he began to use his boxers to wipe down his stomach, cleaning his mess. Then he moved to Michael and did the same for the older boy, who was now to tired to be standing. Calum set down the soiled boxers and helped Michael into his clean pair, then helping him into his shorts. As the tattooed boy continued to clean himself enough to get to the house, Michael leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, his now numb mind, letting himself feel his exhaustion. 

Michael opened his eyes slightly, when he felt Calum’s hand slide into his own, pulling his from the wall gently. Calum pulled him in closer, letting there mouths slot together in a short lazy kiss. When Calum pulled away, he smiled a little at his sleepy boyfriend.

“Come on, baby. Lets get some sleep.” Calum promised.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Lovelies!  
> This is dedicated to my beautiful friend Trish, cause she's a malum slut.
> 
> This is also my first real work, please let me know what you think! 
> 
> Also follow me on Tumblr?
> 
> @calumvocals


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